Thursday, February 17, 2005


real quick-like

today's my birthday.
and tonight i'm going to belize.
and the day after i get back i'm moving to san francisco.

it's a bit much, but i think sometime this afternoon i started enjoying the ride.


i celebrated my birthday last night with wonderful friends. when i looked around i felt terribly lucky to know so many kind, friendly, interesting, fun, fantastic people. and proud, too--very proud of my friends. i don't mean proud of me for having great friends, but proud of my friends for being so great.

and in a strange coincidence, since i've been glowing in this feeling all day... someone i don't know very well, who had had reason to search through my tribe friends to find someone i wanted her to talk to, messaged me today to say:

'And by the way, you've got some seriously fun, funky, sexy friends!!! BRAVO!'

she's *right*, you know. BRAVO for YOU!!!

see you soon!

Friday, February 11, 2005



flyer for newsbreakz
Originally uploaded by orannnge.

let's see if i can figure out how to post a picture. it will be a picture of my first flyer. i'm very excited about the flyer. i have decided that even if the party sucksass, i will still be totally happy with the experience because i am so pleased with the flyer. and it's not that i really think that the party has the potential for sucksass status, cuz the music is going to rock like nobody's bizness and there are going to be some amaaaazing hoopers performing [smiles sweetly], but i'm kind of feeling like the hem of a dress that's been dragged through some mud puddles today. (couldn't i please NOT BE SICK ANYMORE? i mean GEEZ. dues PAID, already.)

so i hope i see you there. and i know that even if *i* happen to be looking green-ish, wilted in a corner listlessly lifting an arm up and down in time to the bass, you will be out on the floor working out all pent-up emotions and generally having an amazing time. (did i mention that ooah's spinning? yeah, that's right. so go.)


update: the party was fantastic. newsbreakz staph did a fantastic job, and everything went smoothly. ooah and dorfex played the back room for hoooours, and i didn't leave for more than about 30 seconds. the crowd back there for them was lovely cozy yum. very few people that i didn't know--the people in there were the people who wanted to hear these boys play. had a wonderful time dancing with a new friend, satoe. also got to meet patricio, finally. i didn't do as much hooping as i'd planned, mostly since ooah and dorfex had such a long set. klara and vera and i took turns on the stage, with amy leblanc jumping in occasionally too. patricio, ian, and miranda all had hotass sets, and ooah scratched over them for most of the night. towards morning i went out to my car with a friend to chill for a few bit, and when i came back inside the place was empty except for jason, ian, miranda, kitty, pia, and i. danced about in an empty mighty, savoring the yays of the evening, then wandered out into the night with everyone feeling very purrrrish...

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


one box checked

i officially have a place to live in san francisco on march 1st!!!

i will be living in the mission. in a warehouse space.
ooo, i will be just *sooooo* san francisco.

i feel decidedly more optomistic about the upcoming weeks.


blossoming things

today is the anniversary of the death of the friend i mentioned a couple of posts ago.

she died in a car on the way home from a trip to santa rosa. i'm headed to and from that town myself this evening. nervous shuddery feeling. for someone who doesn't believe in much, i sure do get creeped out easily by superstitions. of course, i dreamed about death the three nights before she died, which hasn't happened before or since, so everything about this particular event tends to make me more superstitious than usual.
the day after she died was this absolutely gorgeous spring day. at the time, it was a dramatic change in weather and thus made quite an impression on a me. so since then, when i hit this anniversary i'm reminded to look around and find signs that spring is coming. you might take a minute today to see if you can find some cherry blossoms, a patch of sourgrass, or an acacia tree in full yellow yumminess. the acacias especially--they always make me feel full and relaxed.

maybe i'll see some today during my drive.

i'm stagnant.
i'm restless.
i'm overwhelmed.
i'm manic and i'm panicked.

i've been trying to figure out for the last 36 hours what would calm me down, what would make me happy, what i would like to be doing if i could do anything or be anywhere right now.

last night i thought maybe i'd like to recede and hermit for a while--read a lot and watch a ton of movies, sew, make art, be by myself and check some things off my to-do list.

but i just saw some playa pictures, and that looks soothing. hum. so i need to be by myself for a week wandering around a huge playground exploring weird schtuff and meeting strangers, and that'll make me feel better. ok. got it.

then i was reminded that amy's going to new york soon. wow, yeah--that sounds PERFECT right now.

*sigh* well, at least now i know where i want to be.

Monday, February 07, 2005



so i was inspired this evening (due to total boredom brought on by 90 minutes of searching the u.s. census bureau's website for statistics about the city of dixon) to go to the armory site to take a purity test. apparently my computer gets to make a decision about my purity before amory does, because (duh) every single purity test site was blocked. that's ok. i'll do it later. but in the meantime, this is just a nostalgic little shout-out to anyone who took these repeatedly during their freshman year of college and compared results with everyone on on their floor. (and an extra high-five for anyone who engaged in any activity specifically to lower their score. way to be diligent.)

if any of you go to the site, take the standard 100-point ACL test, and post your score in the comments, i will give you some sort of prize.

Sunday, February 06, 2005


my to-do list

i'm a bit nervous about the next three weeks.

i have a lot of things coming up. i didn't intend for them all to happen at the same time, and some of them i didn't intend to have happen at all. if all of them go well, then i could conceivably have a ridiculously busy but fantastically fun three weeks. and really, it's totally feasible and maybe even likely, statistically speaking, that they will all go well (at least in the short term, which is all i'm capable of worrying about right now). but if even one of them goes wrong, i will very likely be very unhappy.

see, i used to thrive on this sort of thing. it was what drove me, motivated me, and got me excited when i woke up in the morning. this was, and technically probably still *is*, fully within my skill set. but this time i'm feeling completely overwhelmed, and i don't think i'm going to enjoy it, even if everything goes fine, because i'm just too worried.

*sigh* i'm sure it'll all come together. just wish i could have fun riding it all out, the way i used to...

Wednesday, February 02, 2005


lapsed catholic, part 2

there was an article in the ny times a couple days after my post on priests being accused of abuse. here's some of it... (full link is currently this, from the new york times on 1/28/05, but i don't know how long it'll be there.)

The man who says he was molested as a boy by Paul R. Shanley, a now-defrocked priest, acknowledged a series of problems under cross-examination on Thursday.

The accuser, a 27-year-old firefighter in suburban Boston, admitted that for years he had a serious alcohol habit, used large doses of steroids, gambled through a bookkeeper and had a volatile temper that caused problems in his personal and professional life. ...

The accuser, who says he was pulled out of Christian doctrine classes by Mr. Shanley and molested from age 6 to 12, has said he remembered the abuse only in 2002, after the sexual abuse scandal in the Roman Catholic Church in Boston became public and he was told about similar accusations made against Mr. Shanley by a childhood friend.

Mr. Mondano says the accuser concocted the accusations, collaborating with three other men who attended the same church in Newton, Mass., to win a civil suit they filed against the Archdiocese of Boston. ...

"In one instance you actually smuggled some of the steroids in from Mexico, correct?" Mr. Mondano asked.
"Correct," the accuser said.
"This was exclusively and totally related to Paul Shanley?" Mr. Mondano asked.
"Yes, poor self-image," the accuser said.

Mr. Mondano questioned the accuser's motives, suggesting that in addition to a monetary settlement, he was seeking a way to be discharged from the Air Force. ...

Citing the accuser's testimony that the stress of the recovered memories gave him a rash, Mr. Mondano pointed to medical records indicating a diagnosis of ringworm. ...

Mr. Mondano also suggested that the accuser was seeking publicity in 2002, when he gave several interviews to news organizations, allowing his name and photograph to be used. Mr. Mondano read a journal entry in which the accuser wrote that he was disappointed with an article in The New York Times because it referred to him only briefly. ...

Mr. Mondano also questioned details of the accuser's accusations. He pointed out that on Sunday mornings when the accuser says he was pulled out of classes and molested in the bathroom, pews, confessional or rectory, there were many other people in the church, attending or preparing for one of three morning Masses.

The accuser said he recalled there being only one men's room in the church, yet he said he did not recall anyone else ever coming in to the bathroom while he was being molested. He said that Mr. Shanley would stand menacingly in the open bathroom door before molesting him, but he also acknowledged under questioning that the door was on a landing of the only staircase to the basement.

"So anybody that would be going down the stairs to get into the basement for any purpose would be walking right by the door where Shanley was standing, right?" Mr. Mondano said.

The accuser also acknowledged that the less invasive touching he says Mr. Shanley initiated from the time he was 9 until he was 12 - patting him through the front or back of his pants - would have happened in front of other people. So far, prosecution witnesses have said they did not see Mr. Shanley make such contact with any child, or take any child out of class. ...

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