Monday, May 16, 2005


popcorn, buses, and cowboys

a nice yummy weekend, aaaaas usual.

friday i left work a few minutes early to prep for my early evening activity--the popcorn anti-theater bus outing. I was quite excited to don my new space-age outfit that wheylan made for me in new york--ooooh-so-shiny metallic wonder woman stylee. the trip was good times. (have you heard of popcorn anti-theater? it's a monthly outing on a friday night, a renegade-ish bus trip to destinations unknown around the bay area. very much like 'magical mystery tour'. costuming and alcohal are a must. and it's done in time to go out dancing with the rest of your night! faaaanTAStic.) amy and jay and kiran and ian were there, and i really wish i'd had a moment to make them all sit down and get to know each other. i think that they would all become best friends very quickly. the evening's entertainment and excursions included a trip to a park in oakland, some interesting dark spoken word; a puppet show with puppets that were more 'dark crystal' than most things i've seen in life; a bit of hooping by yours truly (i was assigned to the role of 'incidental hooper' for the evening); and an illicit stop at oakland's mormon temple.

after disembarking i headed over to 1015, arriving just in time to catch all of ooah's set. the music was good, but the crowd was more clubby than usual, and i had a few moments of discomfort and wishing that more of my dancefriends were present. still, it was fine, and i had some good hooping downstairs (to goldilox, whose set was yum-funk).

saturday i had intended to have a very me-focused solo day, followed by a trip to davis to spend good time with old girlfriends at a bachelorette party. i was going to spend the night in davis and drive to the city on sunday morning bright-eyed and ready to hoop the bay to breakers course.

insteeeead, i ended up taking a new friend out to lunch for her birthday and engaging in a good hours-long life update session with her. (big yays for new girlfriends--a new girl who can be trusted is becoming more and more important to me as i get older.) in the late afternoon i did manage to get to davis (being in davis on a saturday in spring gave me a few pangs of missing the town...lazy spring-smelling weekend afternoons in a small town...mmm...), but the bachelorette festivities ended up being pretty brief, and after the bride-to-be announced her intention to be in bed at midnight, i opted to drive back to sf to keep my night going for a bit longer.

i went to the renegade camou bus party, which was located in a gorgeous spot on the water, and which had functioning heat lamps and solid breakz. sooo, rather than miss such luxuries, i stayed on site til the breaka breaka dawn, at which point i meandered off to re-costume and transit over to a spot closer to the bay to breakers race course.

so my plan for bay to breakers was to meet a few of the BAH hoopers at the space cowboys' sound distribution site and then to hoop through the course from there, parade-style. i got to the course at around 8am, and watched from the pan handle for the first hundred or so runners (well, racers really, at that point). got to the space cowboys' location a bit before 9am and hooped across the street for the first wave of more recreational runners. i got some great smiles, as well as the distinct impresseion that most of them had ever seen a hooper before. as the crowd started to slow down in speed and increase in size, i made my way over to the other side of the street to get some alcohal and be a bit more social. good crew hanging out at this location, that's for sure. made a couple new friends, drank a LOT of beer but totally forgot to eat anything, massively enjoyed the noise every time a cowboy re-spun 'chariots of fire' into the mix... ended up spending most of the race in the median out in the middle of the street, kickin it with some drunk cowboys and hooping up and down the cement. (and i only hit about a half dozen people :) and two of them were smoove and lars, so really i only hit like four.) stayed up and out much much longer than i intended--watched the cops clear the route at the end of the parade, then purrred around catatonically until someone was kind enough to drive me home.

finished my weekend with a five-hour afternoon night-of-sleep, standing water in my basement, and some good roommate time. i'm not quite ready for another set of weekdays, but i'll see what i can do.

p.s. i've officially decided to send out a new wave of resumes and actively start looking for something new to do for 40 daylight hours every week.

Friday, May 13, 2005


chiro update

6 appointments; no change.
my back still hasn't moved.
anyone got some advice?


ponderings on postings

the new dynamics and angles and rules that posting boards pull into communication are incredible. the boards create a written record ofconversation that doesn't scroll off the screen, isn't easily destroyed, and can be recalled exactly with word-for-word accuracy. participants must place their communiques with care, knowing that their words will be subject to scrutiny by an unknown audience.

conversations with specific other people are especially interesting and tricky. one-on-one exchanges with veiled agendas or undertones can be derailed by unknowing others. contrarily, they can also be supported or skewed in positive ways by third parties. in fact, posting in such a way as to prompt a response from a third party who was previously not involved, especially if it's someone specific, can be a skill and tool of manipulation not to be undervalued. navigating conversations with wordplay and flirting that involve three, four, or maybe five people can be super-fun, but you have to be diligent with your timing or you might end up looking silly.

all words get heard on posting boards. nothing is said aside. if you want to share a relevant private joke or observation with only one other person in the conversation, you have to attempt to hide it in a main post, but not in a way that detracts from the main thread of thought.

yeah, i had a situation or two prompt this set of musings. hummm...



i am completely miserable at work.

i can't focus at all. i'm totally bored at all time. i have no feeling of accomplishment as i work towards or finish things. i don't care about any of it. i have no connections to my coworkers. half of them are idiotic; half of them i can't understand when they try to explain things to me. i've never been this miserable at a job, and it's making me depressed.

i don't know what to do. no, i don't mean whether i should find something else or not--obviously i should find something else. but the question is WHAT. i've spent a lot of time in the past couple weeks trying to think of what i would like to be doing instead. ooooh, and there are a LOT of things i would *rather* be doing... but one logistical difficulty is that i have this headache problem--some things are automatically disqualified. let's ignore the headache thing for a minute, though, and i'll list things i've thought about:

event planning
library science :)
retail at a book or music store
retail at a clothing store
anything techy
teaching preschool
teaching k-12
research assistant
perfomance (ha!)
administrative assistant (yes, i'm that bored)
government planning jobs
other private sector planning jobs

are there other possibilities i'm inclined towards or trained for that i'm not thinking of? suggestions more than welcome.

so i can give a bunch of reasons for not doing most of those jobs (not enough future in it, i don't have enough training, it'd give me headaches, it wouldn't be much better...), but that doesn't mean that any of them are really out of the question.

my main quandry right now is whether i want to stay in this field. i am having an impossible time discerning whether i am bored with my job or bored with my field. ok, my job is VERY boring, but i don't know that i would be much happier at a larger firm with more workload. though... maybe. when i was at jones&stokes in sacramento, i did not *once* in 18 months, wake up and not want to go to work. i stayed focused and enjoyed myself and had fun at work. and it was essentially the same type of tasks. would things be different now if i went back? would i be tired of doing the same type of documents? would tribe make a difference in my attention span? well, i am tired of doing the same thing all the time, but in a larger firm i'd have more diversity. and when i'm busy i don't care about tribe or email--when i'd go work out of sacto and have busy days, even after i got so online-oriented, i didn't check tribe more than once or twice a day.

is it just that i need a larger office with more social outlets? maybe. is that worth quitting over? i don't knooooooow...

ARGH. what am i supposed to do?

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?