Friday, July 28, 2006
self-analysis
fully egocentric post ahead, i warn you right now.
i have never been adept at hiding my feelings. if i love you; if i am angry; if i am depressed; if i am irritated; if i'm excited... anyone with half a brain can generally tell. in a word, i'm transparent. i have a hard time bringing myself to lie, and if i do you can usually tell pretty easily.
i have only rarely had cause to regret this character trait of mine. and 99% of the time, the regret comes when i can't properly cover my feelings about an acquaintence or casual friend who has done something irritating or infuriating. it is exceedingly rare that i regret this trait when it comes to my relationships with people i care about. i'm don't deny that it has caused *problems*--i'm a lot more inclined to confrontation than most people; and conversely i'm unusually quick to express affection--but i'm having a hard time thinking of an instance in which i really *regret* the fact that i couldn't or wouldn't hide my feelings.
obviously, something triggered this set of words.
and made me wonder if i should have made more of an effort to smile and nod through an episode that angered me.
but once again, i don't regret it. because i don't feel that i have done anything that warrants rebuke by expressing my emotions, and if a relationship can't stand up to open communication, then it's not a good relationship for me to invest in.
insightful truth, or self-serving deception?
(ah...if i'm lying to myself about honesty...)
i have never been adept at hiding my feelings. if i love you; if i am angry; if i am depressed; if i am irritated; if i'm excited... anyone with half a brain can generally tell. in a word, i'm transparent. i have a hard time bringing myself to lie, and if i do you can usually tell pretty easily.
i have only rarely had cause to regret this character trait of mine. and 99% of the time, the regret comes when i can't properly cover my feelings about an acquaintence or casual friend who has done something irritating or infuriating. it is exceedingly rare that i regret this trait when it comes to my relationships with people i care about. i'm don't deny that it has caused *problems*--i'm a lot more inclined to confrontation than most people; and conversely i'm unusually quick to express affection--but i'm having a hard time thinking of an instance in which i really *regret* the fact that i couldn't or wouldn't hide my feelings.
obviously, something triggered this set of words.
and made me wonder if i should have made more of an effort to smile and nod through an episode that angered me.
but once again, i don't regret it. because i don't feel that i have done anything that warrants rebuke by expressing my emotions, and if a relationship can't stand up to open communication, then it's not a good relationship for me to invest in.
insightful truth, or self-serving deception?
(ah...if i'm lying to myself about honesty...)
# posted by orange @ 9:57 PM 
Comments:
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[Quote]
if a relationship can't stand up to open communication, then it's not a good relationship for me to invest in.
[Unquote]
I can feel it is an intense and a very deeply felt TRUTH in your mind.
I have a slightly more selfish view of relationships. A relationship is worth only what value I can derive out of it (of course, profitably... I cannot be incurring a huge cost for a small value).
I am blogging my similar experiences in http://lessonsfromshimoda.blogspot.com
Thanks and good day,
- Venkat
Post a Comment
if a relationship can't stand up to open communication, then it's not a good relationship for me to invest in.
[Unquote]
I can feel it is an intense and a very deeply felt TRUTH in your mind.
I have a slightly more selfish view of relationships. A relationship is worth only what value I can derive out of it (of course, profitably... I cannot be incurring a huge cost for a small value).
I am blogging my similar experiences in http://lessonsfromshimoda.blogspot.com
Thanks and good day,
- Venkat
<< Home
