Thursday, April 27, 2006


some deserts are better than others

i went to coachella two years ago. basically, aside from some seriously fungal moments during the flaming lips set, the entire trip sucked ass. there were some extenuating circumstances that made things worse than they would've been otherwise, but i still maintain that this (alleged) "art and music" festival is beyond lame. ooooh my goodness lame. and a nasty waste of time and money, to boot. plus offensive to anyone who was told that it was going to be a festival.

so first of all it's trashy, in more ways than one. with garbage lying all over the ground...and pale commericalized copies of ex-underground culture on display on people, in booths, and on stages throughout the fenced-in, over-crowded, under-shaded grounds. a bunch of interesting music, sure, but with such a weak attempt at art that it was laughable and pathetic. and more commercial than any real festival would ever dare to get.

so miguel sent this out the other day. and we'll forgive and ignore the fact that he was one of the less-than-perfect aspects of my trip down there last time because it skewers the event so nicely. i myself empathize not-so-much with the hard drug references, but i did manage to have my first bad mushroom trip while wandering around that piece-of-shit concert, so it's not entirely irrelevant to my experiences. enjoy...

Apartment Coachella seeks to simulate the Coachella experience within one single apartment environment. Instead of stages, dvd players and laptops armed with YouTube will be spread around the festival 'grounds'. Thermostat will be turned up all the way to best simulate the intense Palm Springs heat. No more than 2 screens will be even remotely visible at the same time. The Gobi tent will be the closet. The Dance tent will be under the bed. It will take 30 minutes to get from my parking spot to my apartment. Beer will only be served in large plastic cups in the kitchen 'beer garden'. Stage views will be limited, and a minimum of at least 2 concerts will be faintly heard simultaneously. The toilet will not be flushed. All weekend long. There may or may not be toilet paper. There will be an afterparty with (insert famous dj name). At my next-door neighbors house. I will not be able to get in. Cellphones will work once an hour. The connection will be dropped exactly one word before your friend tells you where to meet up. Maximum of 4 hours sleep. There will only be liquor in the VIP area. US Weekly cutouts of Lindsay Lohan, Dave Arquette, Courtney Cox and Flea will be placed inside the VIP area. After we get home, I will run naked to the beach, dive in, run back to my apartment, do a line of blow, then run naked back to the beach. Repeat until I pass out.

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?