Monday, December 06, 2004


in my car alone except for a chirping phone at 5am...and TOTALLY HAPPY

a few thoughts on the way things work for me these days...

i went to all three parties this weekend by myself, and i had a GREAT time with that set of circumstances. i think a lot of it had to do with the contrast it presented when compared to last weekend, which involved a fair bit of care-taking and coordinating and waiting around for others... BUT i also think i spent more time talking to and dancing with new people than i would have if i'd been there with a friend or two, and that is fanTAStic. when i go to a party by myself now i'm usually only nervous or self-conscious for about 5-10 minutes--if at all--before i find someone i know or find a hoop to play with or find a spot on the dancefloor that feels good. i know, i know... going to parties alone is totally normal here... but i'm still getting used to it and i still feel a sense of empowerment every time i do it. good to remember--i should try to set dates with myself to go out alone a bit more often. (not that i don't absolutely LOVE going out with you all the time, you-know-who-you-are. that is NOT the issue :P )

i had a moment of lucid happiness this weekend was when an acquaintance asked me, at midnight on saturday night, 'so what are you doing tonight?' why was i so tickeld by that question? because 1) it was midnight but i hadn't started my night yet and 2) someone i don't even really *know* knew that i hadn't started my night yet.

this is directly related to my new fun thing that i get delighted by--phone calls between midnight and 6am. i'm pretty sure i mentioned this a few weeks ago, but i am still fascinated and delighted by the phenomenon. i love having vera call at 1:30 to ask when i'm going to be heading over to such-and-such. i love getting text messaged by people at 4 asking if the party i'm at is still worth checking out. i even love allison lee's insane drunk messages from inside the same building as me when she is tired and can't figure out where i am. it's all so ridiculous and contrary to what my saturday nights used to be, when 1:30 was the normal time to start heading home, leaving a party at 12:30 wasn't unheard of, and a 3am night was a rarity. now if i get to party at 10 it's only because they're having an open bar for the first hour or two; my *early* nights lately have been 3am nights; and i only start talking about how i 'need to start thinking about going to bed soon' if i can see that the sun's starting to come up.

there was a party in davis on saturday night at one of the coops in my old scene. it was the type of thing that at one point i would have been excited about for *daaaays* and possibly even *weeks* ahead of time. so saturday night i remembered that it was happening and started to think about what all my old friends were doing and starting to do an 'awwww...' then i looked at the clock. 3am. HA! nevermind. the police would have made kelly stop spinning a good hour ago, IF the house had been lucky enough to avoid getting shut down by neighbor complaints at midnight. and then i had a few quick flashbacks to parties in davis that had been built up for days only to fall flat with poor attendance because of the silly finicky homebody davis parties in davis that were ruined because they were too widely publicized and a hundred random frat boys showed parties in davis that were awkward and awful because of high school kids getting in fights over parties in davis that sucked because the sound guys didn't know what they were doing...

i REALLY love living in the bay area.

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